What does it look like to be truly present with somebody? According to Acharya Shunya, it requires an integration with all the facets of our identity and our personalities — it requires that we look deep within and cultivate true presence, by reconciling our manifest and truest self.
Each one of us has two identities. One is made up of our superficial thoughts, our body and its markings or color, our gender, or race or religion, or family, and or conditioning. Our personality is created with all these data points about us. In Vedic philosophy, this personality is known as the Jiva, the everyday phenomenal self. When the everyday phenomenal self of one person connects with the everyday phenomenal self of the other person, they can have a relationship, they can make love, they can create babies, they can have a whole future together. It’s not that the connection isn’t real, but it’s a superficial connection. It's a connection that's operating at the level of the mind, specifically in an aspect of the mind known as the ego, which is the identity maker or creator; the spinner of a story. As a result, this is by nature a somewhat volatile situation, because anybody's ego can create a spin a narrative of not feeling fully seen, respected, or recognized
. The ego may not feel as if its needs are being fulfilled — it may not even know how to ask for what it needs.
But in Vedic philosophy, we are instructed to drop into the inquiry as to who we really are. Am I really this changing minefield that changes its thoughts, feelings, and opinions frequently? Or am I that awareness that is observing this mind? Am I this body that has been changing from a single cell, to being an infant, to a baby to a toddler to a youth to an adult, to a mature adult? Or am I the observer of these changes, who itself remains unchanged? If I am that unchanging observer, if I am that unchanging witness, then I am pure intelligence, pure awareness, and pure consciousness. I have a mystical association and relationship with that ultimate consciousness intelligence that is orchestrating this whole universe.
When we are in that place, we have more power, more clarity, more purpose, and more ability to communicate our truth. Imagine if two people were connecting at the level of presence! This ability to be in wholeness with your true self is the single most important foundation for a truly connected relationship with another person.
So — if you are seeking a deeper or more spiritual / metaphysical relationship, the first step is to build your own true presence. And when you both do, each person in the relationship becomes the conduit for the growth and evolution of the other, and true love blossoms.